Grandmothers Are Moms With Lots of Frosting!

Know you are precious and loved from day one of your life.

I am stuck at the airport, my flight overbooked, watching a 10 month-old, brown haired, blue eyed, beautiful little boy being teased by his Dad who is nuzzling his side with his nose while he lifts him high in the air. The blue eyed wonder giggles with delight knowing he is precious and loved. My guess would be every child gets to have a similar experience at some time in their life. What it reminds me most about are my grandmothers, two people who took great pride in frosting the cakes of each grandchild. They each had a large bunch of them by today’s standards. And I have noticed, just like in past times, grandparents are often called upon to parent today, as well. You were born believing in your own value and your own genius, which has been critical to your survival. Without this genetic belief you might have given up trying to survive when you were confronted with significant challenges like disease, stairs, school, or some of your crazy relatives.

Grandparents serve a vital role in the continuity circle of love for children.

Grandmothers are Moms with lots of frosting and Grandfathers are Dads without the rules. Grandparents (or their surrogates) serve a vital role in sustaining their grandchildren, especially at time when the parents are otherwise engaged. Their experience is invariably insightful and practical, even though it is usually from another generation.

Grandparents put things into perspective.

What makes it even more important is how it comes with fewer strings attached…fewer conditions. Grandparents have wisdom only available from time itself. They are able to boil down life’s maple sap to its essence, the sugar. Grandparents seem to realize the current crisis is really just a bump in the road not a crater on the highway to hell. So they respond accordingly with a calm assurance that things will work out. I remember the time I was about 9 years old and had been playing outside. Suddenly I heard this loud thumping inside my head, actually inside my right ear. I ran home terrified…to tell my Mom. She was sitting at the kitchen table talking with her Mom…my Nanny. As I explained this “terrible pounding” I remember clearly the fear rising in her face as she started listing off all the possible causes. She started initially with an ear infection but ultimately gravitated toward brain tumors and related phenomena, forgetting the vivid imagination listening. My fear escalated. Nanny had been sitting there quietly watching my Mom and I feed off each other’s emotions. She got up and went to the cupboard and took a bottle from the shelf. She called me over to the sink and ask me to turn my head over it so my “pounding ear” was upward. Then she said, “Close your eyes!”, which I did automatically because everyone trusted Nanny. She opened the bottle of olive oil and pours a few drops into my ear and out came an ant which she carefully and calmly picked up with her thumb and first finger. Then she told me to open my eyes and look at what she had in her hand.

Grandparents project a sense of calm, cool and collectedness.

This was typical of my grandmother and I suspect grandmothers all over the world. There is this sense of calm, cool and collectedness emanating from her about people, situations and life. So when my Nanny saw me, one of her seventeen cakes, she just added some frosting of wisdom. I have often used my memories of her to inspire me to appreciate my life as it is…not as I want it to be.

Grandparents don’t fight with life; they embrace it.

I don’t have any memories of her complaining about her life, even though she was abandoned by her husband; raised four small children on her own; had a grade three education and did housekeeping for a living. My paternal grandmother fit the same bill. She was widowed twice at a very young age by factory accidents; raised five children on her own; boarded them with relatives and a local orphanage temporarily until she secured a job selling insurance; and so on. I remember the time she loaned me five dollars for a heavy date I had when I was about 12 years old, on the condition I would tell no one and not try to pay her back. Her appreciation for everything and everyone life had provided to her was reflected in how she dealt with her grandchildren. She also constantly endeavored to frost her eighteen cakes.

Frost your cake of life with appreciation!

So my learning from both my grandmothers has not just been profound, but surprisingly similar. And if I were to speculate on their life purpose, I might say: “To frost their cake of life with appreciation!” There is something noble about such an approach to life. I am so fortunate indeed to have had such ancestors.

Glean your own wisdom from your own ancestors.

Have a look at your grandparent memories and see what they hold for you. Like me, you can find priceless wisdom waiting for you.

• Write down your memories, your learning and its effects.
• Ask your parents and siblings for their recollections. And as you do, notice also how it serves you today in each area of your life and in each relationship in your life.
• Find the love of your grandparents in the people around you.

What a great way to honor the previous generations of your family.

Key Points to Ponder:

1. Know you are precious and loved from day one of your life.
2. Grandparents serve a vital role in the continuity circle of love for children.
3. Grandparents respond accordingly with a calm assurance things will work out.
4. Grandparents project a sense of calm, cool collectedness.
5. Frost your cake of life with appreciation!
6. Collect your family’s memories from those around you.
   
7. Glean your own wisdom from your own ancestors.

Talk soon,
Namaste, Ken